Eternal Optimist

I have been accused numerous times of "living in an ivory tower" and this has never bothered me.  I always see the good in people, even when the person can do no right; and I always think things will change for the better, even when the light at the end of the tunnel is very dim.  I am pretty sure, that even if I were staring down the barrel of a gun, I would be conjuring up different options for that bullet - the gun could jam or I have some pretty fabulous cat like reflexes too.  The fact of the matter is, I have ALWAYS had and WILL ALWAYS have hope that everything will be alright.

Yesterday we did not receive good news.  At this point in time, the Doctors do not believe there is anything they can do for Graham.  They are unsure if the Photopheresis will be effective on the type of aggressive and quick rejection that he has.  And they are also unsure if his body could withstand a 2nd transplant. The antibiotics he has been taking are not working for him and Graham is still unable to eat, he finds food repulsive. 

After the initial shock and numbness of the day, and with Graham finally able to sleep, I got some sleep.  Once our favorite alarm clock of the IV Pump went off at 3:30am (I mean really, can't they just have an alarm go off in the nurse's station!) I found my optimism. 
       1. They started Graham on a new medicine that is supposed to jumpstart an appetite.  This will hopefully get him eating again and will help bring his health back up to a strong fighting mode.
       2. They have told us that a port should not be used until it has cured for 2 weeks.  It has only been 4 days, a far cry from 14 days, but his Doctors will be speaking with the Bone Marrow Doctors to see if this is that necessary.  I have been comparing this to the 30 minute no swim rule after you eat.  Just an ol' wives tale, right?  If it isn't necessary, they can start Photopheresis ASAP and give his body a chance to stop the rejection.  This step in itself is what we have been holding on to.  This can stop his decline and bring him back to a life he can live.  He can go home and work, play, shop for shoes (his favorite), and do anything else he can/wants.  This is not his first rodeo with low lung functions.
       3. They have switched up his IV Antibiotics - hopefully these work!
       4. They are running the remainder of the "Transplant Work-up" tests to finalize if transplant is an option.  I briefly thought about doing one of the tests for him - I'll pass with flying colors - but didn't.  Again, I find hope that they will see he's fine and able to transplant him if #s 1-3 do not work.

Oddly enough, he was in no pain last night.  First day in a long time without massive pain.  But he was uncomfortable.  No matter how he situated himself, he felt claustrophobic, stressed, and restless.  But he did eventually go to sleep.  And that gives me hope that today will be a much better day.

***I struggled with this post.  His wishes are that I not share this news with many people.  He does not want anyone believing that he will not return to his life outside of this hospital.  He fully plans on regaining his life.