God's Plan

I grew up hearing, God has a plan for you, God's Plan for you, etc, etc....And this never really frustrated me until as of late.  Those words actually comforted me, knowing God had me in his hands, and he had already crated a plan for me.   I trusted that he wouldn't fail me, and my life would be good.
Then come the past 2 years. Where we did see our ups and glimpses of hope, but in the end, the downs won and we lost.  How could God ever plan to have something like this so horrible happen to anyone of his creations?  For a child, that he created, grow up without a father; and now she has to watch her mother be constantly sick and tired.  How could he????

A dear friend told me to read the book of JOB (that's Jobe)...and then it all clicked.  The Devil/Satan...he is real too.  God didn't make this plan of struggle and death for us, he saw it, and then tried to soften it.  He couldn't stop what was already in motion, but instead led us to make decisions to better ourselves and our support, or intervene and stop something that would have not worked out in this current situation.

My thoughts:  God knew our timeline.  When we began to look for a new home, we were looking for large plots of land, few neighbors nearby, but a place to run free on the four wheeler.  We never did and against all bidding war odds, we landed our new house with neighbors anyone would dream of having.  We are ALL friends, even getting together for random surprise parties, or doing impromptu Pot-Luck dinners.  My WatersEdge family has been so loving and supportive through all this crap...My love for them was already large, but now...I am so grateful God put us here, knowing we would need them.  A second save...I was looking at attempting to leave my current work place to work at a school closer to me.  Because my hope was so large - I thought that if my drive were under 5 minutes vs the 15 it takes me to get to my current campus, I could care for Graham more.  But God saw that I would still need my close friends and Perry family, so he kept me there.  And I am so grateful for them and that too - WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!  It's so rare you get to work with your closest friends!  And these beautiful women continue to teach me how to be a better Mom, friend, and person.  I'm soooo glad God had me stay there.  And then there is the ADHD Dog Sadie of ours...you see, we had this dog named Bocephus (the world's BEST DOG - anyone who has met him would share my same sentiment); and we were talking about getting a new pit bull, and new AWESOME companion, but thought that we should wait a year or until our other little dog Roscoe passed (poor thing was dying from Broken Hearts disease/stress, he and Bobo were extremely close).  But we didn't, we saw a sweet lil puppy face that we couldn't pass up...so we bought Sadie in December of 2014- another one of God's nudgings.  Once our Vet diagnosed her  ADHD, we kinda started 2nd guessing ourselves...I mean...SHE HAS LEARNED HOW TO COMPLETELY LEAP OVER OUR COUCH, OPEN OUR FRONT DOOR, RING OUR NEIGHBORS DOORBELL - all to go swimming at their house.  Some say - wow that's a smart dog...I say...WTF!?!?  But through this latest spell of misery with Janet, Sadie has become the sweetest, most intuitive, and caring dog.  Everywhere I go, she is there.  When I lay down, she is beside me and will drape her head and paw as if holding me.  If I call for someone in the house, she runs to get them.  She senses when Jordan is upset and solemn and will go to her and do the same. I'm sorry God it took me time to see all the wonderful things you have put in place to help us get through this difficult time.  Though I still hate that Graham is no longer physically here and that I am having to go through what I am - I now see that you didn't plan this, that you are helping us fight in comfort.