So with a scoop of my brains gone, swelling around the area in question, and pain meds that make me loopy - I have some very interesting things happening to me right now. 1....the itching. Apparently I am allergic to HydraCodene - and I get the itches where I am clawing bruises on my body. Thank goodness for some good Benadryl.
But the weirdest side effect...I don't trust myself. I don't have the "full memory" of trusting myself that I am where I think I am...case in point...bathroom. You know that dream you may have that you have to wake yourself up to make sure you are on the toilet and you aren't "relieving" yourself in your bed??? It's the exact opposite. I do not trust that I am in the bathroom. I am so comfortable on the pot that I am trying to wake myself up to make sure I'm not a bedwetter! I actually woke Jordan up last night so that she could double check me and make sure I was in the bathroom. She laughed her butt off the whole time- I'm sure she will never let me live this one down. And I hope she doesn't, because it's pretty darn funny.
I am at a point that I am restless, cabin fevered up, and feeling so worthless - I can't do anything, and that is not something I'm programmed to be able to do. I need movie suggestions....can't read, that hurts the brain. Can barely work on projects - I get so flustered and frustrated because I literally can't do what I want. Looking forward for the appointment in 6 days - I would REALLY like a break in this nightmare and not have to do chemo or radiation...it almost sounds too good to be true. But a lady can dream, right?
I'm missing Graham's comfort right now - he always knew how to hold me and tell me that it will all be ok, and I believed him. I do feel his presence, which is very reassuring...things ONLY Graham knew about and could do are popping up. Glad to know that he is here with me in my darkest hour.
Check out the series red oak on Amazon video. It's pretty good. If you like it, ill suggest another one in a few days.
ReplyDeleteI've had that dream about the bathroom with the expected results, granted it was a very long time ago. So glad you girls have laughter to fall back on. As for movies...I'll watch anything with a bear in it, and I am hooked on the series "Alone" and "Alaska the last Frontier" on discovery.
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