Suffering and Ready

SUNDAY: Not good.  With his frustration of sleeping all day and feeling worthless, he decided to stop the Marinol.  This did help, he was up all day and trying to talk, but he began feeling horrible.  Tired, drained, uncomfortable - both mentally and physically.  And he's come to terms with where he is and since he is unable to go home to his house, he is ready to go to his Heavenly Home.

We fully believe that God has put us here on Earth for a purpose.  And once your purpose has been fulfilled, and you are ready, God will bring you back home.  Graham is struggling with what his purpose is that God has sent him down for.  Is his purpose not completed?  He claims that he is at peace, he believes me when I tell him we will be OK and that we are OK with him letting go. 

MONDAY: Worse.  He didn't sleep well and woke up massively struggling and scared.  His worst fear is suffering and dying while hurting...and it was beginning.  I can't thank our Nurse and the Staff here enough as to how fast they moved to make him comfortable.  Within minutes, he had a dose of oral Morphine and a Xanax (and I took 1/2 of my clonazePAM).  After 10 more minutes, another dose of oral Morphine.  5 more minutes, an IV push of Morphine...all this to keep him comfortable enough to start the Morphine drip.  This being the beginning of the end.  So I took another 1/2 of clonazePAM, I was not well...I COULD NOT control the snot.  And with Jordy on her way up, I know I needed to not scare her.  Just so you know, those 1/2 pills didn't work so I might have taken something else, probably not what I should have, but IT helped! 

I know so many of you wanted to come up, to either see Graham, be with Jordy and me; but it was important to keep it to just immediate family.  We THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH for your love and support.  And WOW facebook prayers were so wonderful.  As Graham looked this morning, no one - not a nurse, doctor, or family member, believed that he'd make it through the night.  Dr. Rosenblatt even paid us a visit and was SHOCKED at what he saw - perky Graham. 

MONDAY NIGHT: 90 degree turn to the positive side!  Prayers were answered and the Morphine drip kicked in.  Graham is very comfortable.  And true to Graham's form, when he feels good - ain't nobody sleeping.  We were up talking, playing Rummikub, watching TV (there was NOTHING on!!!) and just being us.  I'm sure all the cuddles and talks with Jordy helped.  After 1 day of golf camp, she's in love and she is now officially a Mini-Me of Daddy...soccer and golf.

TUESDAY: eh....his stats throughout the night proved he had a good night.  But he woke up with nausea and a headache.  He is a little more out of it today, but still comfortable and feeling OK.  As long as he can live the rest of his life out like this, prayers will be answered.