Hospice

By reading the title, if you had any negative feeling attached to it, multiply it times 1,000,000 and you might get the feeling we had last week.  I do not care what they are actually there for; what they are known for is to make you comfortable in your dying days.  The feeling as if everyone has given up on Graham weighs so heavy on our hearts and minds that on the day it was brought to us...neither of us ate or spoke for over 24 hours.


We cried.  No anger, no panicking...just tears.  Once we were dried up and before we restored the fluid in our eyes to cry again, we silently and robotically played on our phones.  Then we'd cry again.


This possibility of someone coming into our home was only brought up with the whole hearted goodness of their heart - we have no doubt about it.  It just stung.  I always imagined something less mentally abrasive, like home health care. 


Clinic did not bring any good news either.  Only a slight glimmer of added calories.  Did you know there is a clear, tasteless, liquid product out there that will add 300 calories to any warm food?  Now, most people run away from this; in Graham's case, he desperately needs it.  Now to just get him to eat...anything would be great.  Might even put it in a shot glass and let him pretend he's back in collage :)


Graham has been denied a transplant from 2 hospitals; a 3rd Rosenblatt refuses to have them work on Graham.  When asked how he believes Graham's health is, Rosenblatt believes it is very poor.  When asked the difference of "killing" Graham by transplant or "killing" him by ignoring and not helping him, we got all the political answers you can think of.  Rosenblatt asked how Graham was, Graham looked at him and told him, "I'm afraid that NO ONE is going to help me and nothing will be done."


Rosenblatt left.  We got our answers.  I got the feeling that it's over.  Graham now has 1 job - eat.  Pound down as many calories that he can.  But he won't.  We will be looking into a hospice or home health care type nurse to help out at home.  After a few days to let it all process, it doesn't seem like a bad idea anymore.  They are there to help and it is not a death wish.  Maybe they can make him eat.